5 Types of People Who Are Toxic for Your Growth

The people around you are one of the most important things you have. But not everyone in your life is meant to stay there. If you want to do something exceptional, you have to be selective about who gets into your circle.

In the video I go through five types of people to keep out, and for each one, the kind of person to look for instead. Here are the first three in full.

1. Highly judgmental people

Everything you do, say, even think: wrong. They bring shame and guilt into every conversation, because they have a fixed idea of who you should be and they want to reshape you into it. Usually it’s because your actions reflect on them, and they’re terrified of being judged themselves.

Don’t confuse them with the friend who sometimes asks, “Are you sure about this?” when you’re genuinely crossing a line. That person brings you back to your path. A judgmental person will find something wrong even after you’ve changed into exactly what they asked for.

Sometimes they’re a parent or a partner, and you can’t cut them out completely. Then at least stop giving their opinion weight. When the judging starts, go deaf.

2. Universal experts

They’ve been everywhere, seen everything, and somehow became experts in every field by dipping a toe in it. Tell them anything and they already knew it. They pick up two words of the jargon and use them to sound knowledgeable, because what matters to them is that you think they know it all.

Don’t debate them. It’s a waste of your time.

The opposite is humility. There are people in their sixties, seventies and eighties who still ask: “How do you do this? What do you think about that?” That’s how knowledge grows. I’ll debate you, but I’ll also hear you out, and I don’t mind asking someone younger than me when they know an area better. Humble people recognise each other, and they grow together.

3. Unreliable people

They’re an hour late, two hours late, or they don’t show up at all, and there’s always an excuse. They make plans with you, get a better offer, drop you without a word, and drop that one too when a third offer comes along.

Cancelling now and then is human. Doing it all the time makes you untrustworthy. The worst part is that if you hang around these people long enough, it starts to feel normal, and you become one of them. Surround yourself with people who keep their word, and who, when they do have to cancel, make it up to you.

The other two, plus a bonus

Skeptics project their own insecurities onto your plans until you believe your dream is impossible. Ungrateful people only take, and never build the kind of deep respect that makes people go to war for each other. In the video I also explain the one type of person you do want in your life but never in your circle: your enemies, and why they’re good for you if you’re strong enough to handle them.