How to Find the Right Partner in Life (and Spot an Enemy in Disguise)

Every one of us needs someone standing by our side at some point, and choosing the right partner can bring out the best in you. Yet so many people today are in relationships where, instead of a partner, they have an enemy in disguise dragging them down.

Here’s what to look for.

1. Do they bring you comfort?

The world outside is already a battlefield: the boss, the colleagues, the stress of the concrete jungle. Your home has to be your comfort zone, the place where you rest and recharge.

The simple test: do you look forward to going home? If your legs walk backwards when you head home, if they’re waiting with an argument ready and every conversation feels like an interrogation, you don’t have a partner. When you have the right one, they’re counting the minutes until you arrive, and they greet you with a hug instead of a fight.

Watch out, too, for a partner who makes you doubt your own mind, who keeps telling you things that aren’t real until you question your sanity. That’s not love. That’s someone keeping you around for what they gain from you.

2. Do they listen before they speak?

Communication is everything. In toxic relationships, one or both people don’t listen at all. They just wait for you to stop talking so they can make their point and win.

When you’re willing to hear your partner out and really try to understand how they feel before making up your mind, something changes: they start doing the same. You find common ground, reach an agreement that suits you both, and your days fill up with good moments instead of fights.

3. Are they the wind in your back?

Do they push you towards your dreams, or keep talking you out of them? Sometimes a partner rightly stops you from doing something stupid. That’s different from someone who always has to hold the wheel, never consults you about where you’re both headed, and always puts their wants above yours.

If you can stand next to your partner and feel strong, confident and supported, keep them, no matter what.

In the video

I also talk about why a relationship should be an ecosystem rather than a competition, why two people who both want to lead will end up “flipping the boat”, and how toxic partners quietly convince you that you can’t ever leave.